I don't think I'll ever get around to a proper update. But I'm alive and relatively well (I'm not at all in the mood to go into all of the health problems or stresses at work). And as always seems to happen come spring once the flowers bloom and the weather warms up, I am feeling exuberant. So much to see and do! I apparently can't be bothered to blog about all of the wonderful things in my life, but you can catch glimpses because 3smallishmagi posts frequent photographic evidence.

Since I haven't posted in a while, it would have been nice if I could post a general update, perhaps share some good news. But I haven't been feeling well lately, and elections that force me to try to pick the lesser evil make me cranky, and watching the destruction of our economy is pretty much the last straw.

If you don't understand what's happening or how we got here, nurf has a post at http://proheretic.geekuniversalis.com/2008/10/02/the-economy-where-we-are-why-were-here-and-the-future-part-1/ that does a decent job of explaining the situation, and has some great suggestions for what we ought to do about it at the end. If you've already got a good grasp of what's happening but you're not sure what we ought to do to fix it, I recommend http://www.denninger.net/letters/genesis.pdf.

Also, for those inclined to blame this mess on the Bush administration, I'd like to point out that Congress is also partly to blame for not fulfilling their oversight duties. They've had ample opportunity to fix this mess, and instead, they've just let the debt grow. And don't even get me started on the Social Security/Medicare fiasco--if the current mess doesn't sink us, those programs surely will.

My new apartment is cute, but much smaller than my previous homes, so I find myself with quite a bit of stuff that I need to get rid of quickly. I thought I'd offer some of it here before posting to Craigslist or planning a trip to Goodwill. Let me know ASAP if you're interested in ( any of this... )

I guess it's time again. I want to find a place where I can plant my roots deep into the ground, but I haven't found the right spot yet. I thought about heading someplace warmer, but I couldn't bring myself to leave this area. So, I'm moving into an apartment in Ballard. It's another temporary home, but it will be my own space, and hopefully it will be a more comfortable base from which to continue my search.

If you're local and you've got some time available on Saturday, March 8, I could use some help moving. Many hands make light work, and I'll provide food and drink. :)

I hope all of my friends are warm and safe tonight and enjoying the holidays with loved ones.

I'm actually taking a few days off from work, so maybe I'll post more later, but for now, I'll just share a quick story about Jessie. Lately Jessie has taken an interest in my computer monitor. She likes to sit in front of the monitor when I use the computer and watches me type or move the mouse around or whatever. So, nurf got this great idea of putting a screensaver on that she might like, just a couple of ribbons that twist around on the screen. The first time it turned on, I was getting dinner in the kitchen and he was talking on the phone in the office. He ran into the kitchen and started waving me into the office saying "Your cat's attacking the monitor!" Sure enough, Jessie was standing in front of the monitor frantically batting at the ribbons and trying to catch them. It was really funny. I gently pulled her away because I was afraid she'd scratch the monitor, and apparently she got the idea that she shouldn't do that even though I was careful not to scold her, so now she just sits and watches the monitor, patiently waiting for the ribbons to appear, and when they do, she'll track them, but she refrains from pouncing. :)

If I’ve missed commenting on an important event in your life recently, it’s probably because I’m almost a month behind on reading LiveJournal posts. Between getting an EIS and approximately 24 technical appendices ready for publication, a trip back to Vermont to visit friends, a week full of Dr. appointments and medical tests all over town, and a trip down to Oregon to visit my father and spend some time relaxing at the coast, there just hasn’t been much time to spend online. I’m trying to catch up, but I read slowly, so it may take me a while. : )

The good news is that the trip to the coast was truly relaxing, and my father actually seems to be doing better. Not only was he able to walk more than he has been in over a year and without losing consciousness the entire weekend, but he seemed quite lucid as well. When locked out of his home and unable to contact a locksmith, he even remembered enough of his old martial arts training to break open the door, though he may have broken a bone in his wrist in the process (we’re not sure—he shrugged it off as usual). I am amazed at how often he has been able to beat back his cancer. So many times we have thought we were going to lose him, and yet he just keeps bouncing back. Anyhow, it was a good visit. And many thanks to amatol for taking care of Jessie for me so I didn’t have to worry about my baby while I was away! : )

Haven't felt like posting in a while. For those who don't already know, nurf and I split up back at Easter. Work has been busy. There was a death in the family and my father's health is not so good again. My arthritis has been flaring, I've been sick for weeks, and it's hard to try to stay positive when you're hurting all the time. But really, I know my complaints are minor, and life goes on.

On the positive side, the last set of blood tests looked good and the rheumatologists decided to start decreasing my dose of prednisone and increased my methotrexate and added Plaquenil. This has made controling my blood sugar much easier. If I'm going to hurt, it's nice that I can at least hurt with relatively stable blood sugars. : ) And I think I weigh less than I have in at least a decade. I'm going to have to go clothes shopping again soon because I gave away all my smaller clothes thinking I'd never be this thin again. Anyone local have any tips on where I can get some cute clothes on the cheap?

Also, my friends have really been a tremendous support lately. I really do appreciate you all.

And I got to play with bubbles twice in the last month, once at sidhefire's retirement party/Beltane bash and again yesterday at silenceleigh, zaratyst, and mholmesiv's wedding. Playing with bubbles always cheers me up. NOTE TO SELF: must remember to keep bubbles around! Must remember to keep friends around too! ; )

I had a wonderful time at the zoo today! Thank you to all of my friends who joined me and helped make it such a special day! The weather was cloudy and cool but it never rained, and while it wasn't good for a picnic it was *ideal* for seeing lots of active critters. : )

I received so many emails, phone calls, gifts, and well-wishes from friends and family this year that I feel truly blessed. This has definitely been one of my best birthdays ever.

My birthday is coming up soon, and I'd love to get together with as many of my friends as I can to celebrate. I've been trying to think of a good group activity, and since the weather has been so nice lately and I am able to walk more now, I would like to go to the Woodland Park Zoo on Saturday, May 6. Email me or leave a comment if you are interested in joining.

Well, somewhat surprisingly, we have a diagnosis already. Once all of the test results were in, the rheumatologists decided that I do have rheumatoid arthritis. For now, I'm continuing the prednisone and taking methotrexate and some additional nutritional supplements and we'll see what happens. I plan to start getting acupuncture again soon, because the meds the rheumatologists were discussing sounded pretty scary. Still, things could be much worse. I can deal with this.

Had a lovely day today walking around campus after the appointment and enjoying the sunshine. Since nurf was kind enough to chauffeur me to the appointment and ask good questions, I treated him to lunch at the Little Thai Restaurant, which I hadn't been to in years. We had fun trying new dishes and checking out the very cool saltwater fish tank. Then when we got home and I walked to the store to pick up my new prescriptions, I discovered that our neighbors have several lilacs in bloom along the sidewalk. I have wonderful childhood memories associated with the scent of lilacs, so it was a nice walk despite the mixed feelings I had about picking up the new meds.

Well, we had to increase the dose of my prednisone (and it has been all sorts of fun trying to regulate my blood sugar, though I think I’ve been doing fairly well), but it has been helping. I still hurt, but at least I can sleep now and I am much less stiff. I was even able to open my own bottle of water at a meeting at work on Thursday. That was a HUGE victory for me; I was incredibly unhappy having to ask a coworker to open my drink for me at a previous meeting (after surreptitiously struggling with it myself for most of an hour or so before giving up). So, definitely cause to celebrate. I have another appointment with the rheumatologists this Tuesday to discuss test results and further treatment options.

Since I haven’t been very happy lately, I decided to make this Saturday a “therapy” day. I treated myself to a nice waffle breakfast, then nurf and I headed to the Friends of The Seattle Public Library book sale. I was good though. I only bought 27 books, way less than usual, and most of those were humor or otherwise likely to be positive/uplifting, so I figure they’ll be good medicine. : )

From the book sale, we rushed downtown to meet up with seawolven and friends for lunch. Seawolven’s plan was to go see a matinee of Silent Hill after that, but we didn’t really feel inclined to follow such a nice meal with a gory movie, and it turned out that there was a pillow fight scheduled to take place just a few blocks away, so we opted to enjoy the sunshine and watch the tussle. It was much fun, at least from my perspective as an observer. I’d guess that about 40 or 50 combatants, including starfish77, participated in the 5-minute fight, and there was fluff everywhere on the breeze. After the fight, we stopped at See’s Candies to grab some sweets and then headed home for a brief rest before our next adventure.

We ended the day at our regular Saturday night roleplaying game. Fun game, fun group of friends, but I ate way too much junk food, which is unusual for me these days. Oh well, chips and cookies are ok as part of therapy day aren’t they, as long as you really enjoy them? Mmm, yeah, I think they were worth it. : )

I had my appointment with the rheumatologists at UW today. nurf went with me, and we both really liked the rheumatologists; they had very different styles but complemented each other well. They confirmed that I do have arthritis of some sort, in that there is obvious inflammation in and around several of my joints, and I do not have fibromyalgia. It may be difficult to determine which particular autoimmune disease is responsible for the arthritis though; I believe the most likely candidates at the moment are rheumatoid arthritis and lupus, but there are certainly other diseases that could cause these symptoms. The rheumatologists ordered lots of blood tests and X-rays and for now they have put me on a moderately low dose of prednisone to help with the inflammation. That may make keeping my blood sugar stable a little more difficult, but hopefully the benefits will be worth the extra effort. I'm also taking extra Vitamin D and I'm supposed to start taking megadoses of fish oil. Depending on what the hip X-rays show, I may need more aggressive treatment, but this is at least a start.

Thanks to all of my friends who've been so supportive. Your thoughts and kind words mean a lot to me.

I haven’t been posting lately because I haven’t had much positive to say, and I didn’t want to whine about how lousy I’ve been feeling. The last time I posted back in February, I was all set to make the best of a bad situation, but the pain and stiffness have gotten worse, and I’m tired all the time now, and it’s getting harder and harder to try to keep a positive attitude (I don’t think I’ve been very successful the last couple weeks).

When I was younger, not long out of high school, I spent a couple years doing hospice work. It was rewarding at times, but it was also very difficult for me emotionally. I didn’t have much trouble coping with the deaths, but I had a really hard time watching people who had always been proud and independent become increasingly dependent on me and others for help with so many facets of everyday life. I knew that someday that could be me, and even though I figured I had a long time before I’d be in their shoes, it terrified me. Now, I find myself increasingly unable to do things that I took for granted just a couple months ago. I’m still pretty independent, but it’s getting harder, and I am having to learn to ask for help more often now (and those who know me well know that that is not an easy thing for me). I’m finding it quite a blow to my ego when I need help to put on a jacket or I sit down and can’t get back up again on my own!

It hasn’t been all bad though. I’m more patient now than I’ve ever been, and more forgiving I think. More willing to relax and take things in stride and enjoy life’s simpler pleasures. It’s not as though I’m a stranger to chronic illness, or even chronic pain, but now that it’s been taken up a notch or three, my values and priorities have definitely been shifting. If I ever get enough energy (or some time off from work), perhaps I’ll write more about that.

My long-awaited first appointment with the rheumatologist is this Tuesday, so I’m hoping I’ll have more (and better) news soon.

So, for quite some time I’ve been intending to post about my move to the city and what I’ve been up to. I moved into Seattle to live with nurf last October, and it has worked out pretty well. I love living in our quiet, friendly little neighborhood in upper Queen Anne. Living together was definitely an adjustment, and we certainly had some rough spots, but we seem to be adapting well and it is generally a pleasure. And Jessie absolutely loves it here, both the house and living with nurf, who spoils her rotten, so that makes me very happy.

I’m working full time on the Alaskan Way Viaduct project these days, and I am often working in the project office in downtown Seattle, which is a single short bus ride away. I miss some of the comforts of my Bellevue office, but I don’t miss the longer commute. Working on the project can be very stressful at times, but I’ve become much better at setting boundaries, and I’m not nearly as stressed now as I would have been in the past. It’s not unusual for me to do some work in the evenings or on the weekends, but I’m not letting it get out of hand.

On the not so bright side, I have been having a lot of pain and stiffness since the move, and it has been getting worse. First, we thought I may have broken some bones in my feet, but X-rays showed that was not the case. My doctor referred me to a podiatrist who diagnosed me with flat feet and Achilles tendonitis. I got custom orthotic inserts and heel lifts to put in my shoes, some stretches to do, and instructions to ice my heel and use ibuprofen or naproxen sodium to control the pain and inflammation. None of that resolved the problem, and things have continued to get worse. After a while, in addition to the problems in my feet, ankles, knees, and hips, my shoulders started freezing up and I started experiencing pain and stiffness in my hands and jaw. berlee and I thought that perhaps it was diabetes related, as frozen shoulder and other musculoskeletal problems are common in people who have had diabetes a long time. I think that’s still a strong possibility, but I have switched to a new primary care physician who has a more holistic approach, and she is concerned that I may be getting yet another autoimmune disease, lupus.

So now I am waiting to see a rheumatologist and have more tests. I’m terrified at the thought that I may have to learn how to manage yet another complicated disease in addition to all of the conditions I’m already juggling. But it’s too soon to allow myself to worry about that. If I have to learn how to manage lupus, then I’m sure I’ll learn how to manage lupus. Right now, I just have to focus on learning how to manage the pain and stiffness that make it difficult for me to accomplish simple things like sleeping, getting out of bed and getting dressed, walking, that sort of thing. : ) And I need to get my blood sugar in control again. I was doing so well until recently, and now the pain seems to have caused my blood sugar to spike. One step at a time. I know what to do for the blood sugars, and I’ll get those under control eventually, and I’m finding things that help with the pain as well.

At least the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming and the critters are starting to get frisky. I love this time of year, and nothing is going to change that.

If you haven’t discovered Ursula Vernon’s art and writing yet, you’re in for a treat (my eternal gratitude to memegarden for the links). You can browse her LJ ursulav and find links to her website and webcomic in her userinfo. I was laughing when I read her description of the blog-o-sphere:

This always reminds me of bathospheres. I imagine people in little iron balls, sinking into the dark waters of Livejournal, peering out at the drifting inhabitants. "Ooo! An angstfish! Note the pity lure dangling from the front of the head, with which it lures in unwitting sympathizers!" Darting shoals of quiz results flicker past, a lone phosphorescent photosquid slowly jets by, before it's startled into voiding its link sac and vanishing in a cloud of little broken picture icons. Off in the distance, great shadowy sharks cruise, discussing politics and religion and making elaborate qualifiers that they don't mean YOU, you're one of the NICE ONES, while tiny remoras slip along their skins, picking off bits of drama. Jacques Cousteau narrates as we visit this deep and complex ecosystem.

I was also quite fond of an illustrated short story she completed recently about a Little Creature: http://www.webcomicsnation.com/uvernon/littlecreature/series.php?view=current. Go and fall in love so that someday there will be enough of us wanting to buy a printed copy that she can get this published. ;)

I feel as though I didn’t get to spend nearly enough time with my friends in 2005, but I have actually been getting out of the house and being social a bit lately. It’s so good to reconnect, to get out and enjoy all those people and places and opportunities that brought me to Seattle in the first place, and it's a trend I hope to continue. It should be easier now that I’m getting settled in the city (and I'll try to write more about that in a later post). ( Read more... )

I hope all of my friends have been enjoying the holiday season. Even if I haven't been in touch, I've been thinking of you all.

If you haven't seen the kitty new year yet, here's a link someone sent me: http://homepage.mac.com/billtomlinson/Logic/Happynewyear/.

I just can't resist... I think some of you will appreciate this link, though it may not be work safe: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=8241737934#ebayphotohosting.

I was able to take a vacation day today so that seawolven and I could spend some time cleaning up the old house. We also set the trap to see if we could catch my stray kitty. We had barely gotten back in the house and shut the sliding door when stray kitty approached the trap and started sniffing around, trying to figure out how to get at the food inside. It took him a little while to find the open door, but then he went right in and sprung the trap. Poor thing was very hungry and not very bright. He freaked out when he realized he was trapped, but he calmed down very quickly once we covered the cage, and we had no trouble transporting him to my vet. Unfortunately, she quickly determined that he was a very sick kitty and she was amazed at how quickly the FIV test showed positive, which apparently means the disease had already progressed fairly far. So, kitty had a last supper and then was put to sleep by a very caring vet, which is much nicer than how he would have died had I not trapped him and taken him in. We may also have prevented him from infecting other kitties in the neighborhood with this terrible disease, so while I'm disappointed at not being able to "save" him, I still feel pretty good about what we accomplished, and I'm glad that the matter is resolved and I won't have to worry about this particular kitty anymore.

After discussing the feral cat situation here in Seattle with my vet, I've decided that at the very least I will be donating some money to some organizations that are trying to solve the problem, and I may buy a trap and try to catch more feral cats myself since my vet is willing to test and treat them for free if I bring them in and promise to find a place for the ones who are healthy.

My lovely desk is too large to fit through the doorway into my new office. Anyone interested in a nice wood desk?

Also, I have recently been feeding a stray cat (possibly feral, but more likely just very frightened) who I don't want to abandon but can't adopt myself. I've obtained a box trap, and my vet is willing to examine the kitty, test it for diseases, treat it for any parasites or minor health problems, and spay or neuter it if appropriate. She'll even do all of this for free if I can find a good home for this cat. If not, we will probably euthanize it. Anyone willing to rescue a cat in need?

I'm assuming you've all seen Serenity by now. If you haven't, what's keeping you? Grab your family, friends, coworkers, strangers on the street... grab someone and go! If you've seen it, go see it again! It's great entertainment and it tells a story that matters about characters we can care about. We need more movies like this, and if we want Universal to oblige us with a sequel to this movie, I'm afraid we need to do more to raise its numbers at the box office. DVD sales should be strong, but I don't know if that's enough to justify a sequel.

Ok, back to packing now. Boy will I be happy when this move is over!

I've known for a while now that I needed to shake things up a bit, and it seems like everything started happening Labor Day weekend. After living together for most of the last 11 or 12 years, seawolven and I decided that it was time for us both to move on. The same day, nurf and I decided that our relationship was not working and we also decided to part ways. However, neither of us was happy with that decision, and we started having some very intense conversations. We have covered a lot of territory in the last 3 weeks, and it hasn't been easy, but we are now much closer. We've decided to get back together with a much stronger commitment, and we're moving in together. He just put a deposit on our new house tonight, and I am moving into Seattle next month.

It seems unfortunate timing that I'm moving into the city just as it's going to be torn up for years with major construction projects, and I'm a bit concerned about how I'll react to being around so many people after spending so long in quiet suburbs, but the part of Queen Anne we'll be living in seems like a nice, quiet neighborhood, and I think I'm going to really love the new house. And it's big--I'll have lots of room to hang up all my art. : )

In other news, my office finally hired a document production manager (a position I've been arguing for for several years now), so I have a new manager. So far she has already helped me with scheduling and gathering information on upcoming projects, she totally supports my desire not to have to work evenings and weekends, and she has generally been doing whatever she can to make my life easier, which is very much appreciated. Several people at work have been mentoring me and/or giving me new responsibilities that aren't part of my job description, so for the first time in months, I feel both challenged and appreciated at work.

I'm basically getting the chance to stretch all sorts of boundaries, both personally and professionally, and it feels really good. Scary at times, but it feels like exactly what I've been needing, and I'm very optimistic about the future. Even Jessie seems to be doing better! : )

Well, as usual, I’m running a bit late, but this feels like a good time for a mid-year evaluation. ( Read more... )

If you have cats and you don't know how to recognize a feline asthma attack, you should check out http://www.fritzthebrave.com/. Under Overview, click on Symptoms and then watch the video of Fritz having a coughing attack.

Poor Jessie has been having asthma attacks for more than a year now, and I just thought she was having hairball problems. We now have an Albuterol inhaler on hand for when she has an attack (it's expensive, but you can get it at almost any pharmacy), an Azmacort inhaler to help relieve the inflammation, and Chlor-Trimeton tablets to help control her allergy symptoms. She is not happy about the pills or inhalers, but her appetite is back and she is definitely perkier. Also, after gifting our vet with a box of chocolates, I now have her email address and have been emailing back and forth with her evenings and weekends. That makes me feel more secure.

Jessie seems to be doing slightly better. She still hasn't eaten more than a couple ounces of food since Monday, but she's more active now. I haven't been giving her the new pain med, and I don't think I will until I can discuss it with the vet, hopefully tomorrow morning.

I've been meaning to post an update regarding everything else going on in my life lately, but I've been too busy, too distracted, too hot to sit at the computer for long... there's no end to the excuses. Perhaps I'll post a few short posts rather than trying to fit everything in.

I'll start with the most recent news. I saw my endocrinologist today and she said that I'm doing really well controlling my diabetes. Why is it that everyone else is so much more satisfied with my control than I am? I don't think I'm being a perfectionist, especially considering that I am starting to have complications. Anyhow, now that I am in better control, we are starting to evaluate insulin pumps. I'll be going to a class next month to see some of the models that the clinic recommends and discuss what will be involved in switching from injections to a pump.